Life's Contemplations...

As Doug and I were out to dinner this evening by ourselves (something that doesn't happen too often with 5 kids), I started thinking about how I didn't do such a great job at keeping track of my friends from High School when I graduated or even College for that matter! I know that many people that I knew from high school (the ones that are still in town) like to hang out at a certain bar in town and I've contemplated on going the next time I know that they will be there (because it would be fun to see everyone again and catch up)...but doing that kind of thing is hard for me. Those who know me will tell you I'm on the shy side (really I am), I have a hard time putting myself out there and get really nervous talking to people...even if I know them! I have to force myself to do these things because I know it's the right thing to do and that the more I do it the more comfortable with it I'll get and I know that I (or my kids) miss out on things when I don't.

But anyways, back to my contemplations...I was telling Doug all of this and I basically said that I didn't think I have really accomplished anything with my life. Doug disagreed (asked me if I was going through a mid-life crisis since the big 31 is coming up) and said that I have done many things, we moved to TN for his job with the FBI and then got moved again to Philly (where we lived in NJ), I help out in the kids' classes, make sure everyone is where they are supposed to be, etc... I responded back with that I wasn't the one who got into the FBI it was him who had accomplished that nor have I done really anything work related since I became a stay at home mom when our first child was born (though I do know being a stay at home mom is an accomplishment in itself and there are many who couldn't do it). I guess I was just feeling down on myself...I really want to take my photography up to the next level and start my own business but it's just seems to always be on the backburner and it's also a little scary to go off on your own. You wonder if people are going to like your work or if you are going to be able to do a good enough job capturing people's lives (I'm very critical of my work and I worry about what others might thing...probably too much).

It's times like these that it's nice having a husband who speaks his mind. He told me that I probably have accomplished more in my life than many of the friends' that I have lost touch with over the years. I didn't particularly agree with that since I know many of them have done alot of traveling and have some very interesting jobs and what not. But he continued on with this and basically told me that I was the glue that kept this family together and without me in his life he never would of gotten the courage himself to apply for the FBI because he wouldn't of wanted to up and move somewhere by himself and it was my support and knowing that I was there that helped him make that decision. Doug's pretty good at saying the right things at the right time and I have to admit it felt good to know that I am so important (well in my family's life atleast!) Every once in a while it's just good to hear those things, especially the times when you feel like you haven't accomplished anything in your life and are feeling like a total loser (you know the feeling, the one you got when you were in school and you weren't in the "popular crowd").

Anyways, I'm not really sure where I'm going with this post...guess I'm just trying to say how thankful I am to have my family and while he says that I'm the glue that keeps our family together I would have to say the same for him...because I wouldn't be able to do the things that I do if he weren't there for me as well (and he has been really supportive of me with my photography and also with anything else I want to do.) So I guess we are both the glue that keeps this family together, which you know what that means...we're stuck together (sorry for the bad pun!)